


All the Lights are Coming on Now

by theimportanceofbeingvictoria



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BRIEF MENTIONS OF SAM WINCHESTER - Freeform, Boys Kissing, Bunker Fluff, Christmas Fluff, Declarations Of Love, Fear of Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Requited Love, SPN Holiday Mixtape, Snow, holiday fic, well one love letter but they won't let me tag just one, well sort of christmas fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9088927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimportanceofbeingvictoria/pseuds/theimportanceofbeingvictoria
Summary: It's the typical love story. Angel rescues man from Hell. Angel falls in love with man. Angel falls from Heaven for man. Angel worries his love for man might not be returned.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: I struggled a lot with this fic. I still don’t think I have truly captured the vibe of the song in the fic, but I have tried my best.  
> My song was The Christmas Song by the Ravonettes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrcPJ75zZso

**Thursday December 29th 8:38am**  
‘It shouldn’t be this hard’ Castiel thought to himself as he waited in the bunker’s cold, dark kitchen, for the coffee to brew. ‘You’re an angel of the Lord. You rescued him out of Hell and defied Heaven for him. Telling one man three little words shouldn’t be that hard.’ 

And yet those three words could change everything. No. They WOULD change everything. For better or worse, once he told Dean that he loved him Cas knew without a doubt that everything would change. He had only moved into the bunker permanently about a month ago, when he realized that Heaven hadn’t really been his home in a long time and determined he was at home when he was with the Winchesters. 

In that month since he had moved into the bunker it became abundantly clear: Castiel was irrefutably in love with Dean. 

In that month he experienced 31 days, two holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas), and countless moments of heart-aching love for Dean. Like seeing him sleep-mussed in the mornings. Seeing him late at night when he was so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open. Seeing him take his first sip of coffee in the morning. Seeing the sunlight shine in his hair as he laughed. Seeing him cook their Thanksgiving meal. (Cas had moved in that morning, and the smile on Dean’s face as he announced Cas’ arrival as something to celebrate and be thankful for almost made Cas weep for joy.) Seeing Dean and Sam wrestle with a Christmas tree and making it sit straight in the little red and green tree stand as they set it up in the war room (so Cas could get the experience of a real tree at Christmas!). Each of these moments Cas treasured, and each of these moments made him fall even more in love with Dean. And the more these moments occurred, the more awkward Castiel became. He no longer knew how to act around Dean. 

Sure, he knew he was in love with Dean before moving into the bunker, the way you know you the sky is blue and you need oxygen to breathe. It was an undeniable fact. Just there. And something you don’t have to think of constantly. But being in close proximity to Dean each and every day made it impossible to ignore. And that was how Castiel came to the unfortunate conclusion that he was going to have to tell Dean he loved him. 

It was likely that Dean wouldn’t take the news favorably once Castiel garnered up the courage to tell him. Yelling, fighting, and throwing things seemed inevitable. Or perhaps even worse: silence. Dean giving Cas the cold shoulder, too weirded out to even speak to him. Either scenario would result in Cas losing his best friend and likely his new home. Either scenario was too painful to contemplate for long. 

And yet there was a small piece of Cas that dared to hope. Dared to dream, that Dean might not be mad at him. Might even reciprocate those dreaded feelings. 

Just when Castiel became caught up in the idea of Dean loving him back, the object of his desire waltzed into the kitchen.  
“Morning, Cas” Dean drawled lazily. Upon noticing the scent of coffee in the air, his energy perked up. “Oh! You started the coffee already. You’re the best Cas! Wonder if we still have some pie from the other day. Coffee and pie for breakfast! Now we’re talkin’ Cas. What d’ya say? Hmm?”  
When Cas didn’t respond, Dean asked again. “What d’ya say Cas? Coffee and pie for breakfast?”  
“Huh? Oh yes. I started the coffee. There is only one slice of pecan pie leftover from Christmas dinner. You may have it. I know how much you enjoy it Dean.”  
“Only one slice? I knew we should have made three pies! Especially since Sam decided to take the second one when he went to visit Jody. You sure you don’t want to share it buddy?” Dean offered as he sat down next to Cas, two cups of freshly brewed coffee in hand.  
“No. I wouldn’t take it from you Dean” Cas replied, wincing internally at Dean’s use of buddy.  
Cas got up quickly and left the kitchen before Dean could even respond, all thoughts of coffee and breakfast, and a future where Dean didn’t call him ‘buddy’ left behind. 

**Thursday December 29th 9:07am**  
Cas hurried to his room, quickly shut the door, and curled up on his bed. He knew Dean didn’t call him buddy to hurt him. Rather, it showed Dean’s affection for him, in his own Dean-like way. Maybe not the affection Cas wanted from him. But it was affection. 

The affection Cas wanted from Dean involved curling up together on a couch watching the snow fall outside, as they cuddled under the warmth of a blanket. The affection he wanted from Dean involved a different type of morning where they drank their coffee together while trading lazy kisses at the kitchen table as the sun rose. Or even better, it involved them bringing their coffee back to bed and drinking it there, with their feet tangled beneath the covers. The affection Cas wanted from Dean involved Dean calling him “baby” not “buddy”. The affection Cas wanted from Dean involved Dean loving him back. 

But enough thinking about that. 

Cas rolled out of bed. He was an Angel of the Lord. He did not languish in bed. He is going to… languish outside amongst his father’s creation. 

**Thursday December 29th 10:15am**

One puffy coat and a pair of winter boots later, Cas found himself outside in the bitter Kansas cold. He was only outside for a minute before he heard the door to the bunker open behind him. And once again, the man he loved and was currently trying to avoid, made an appearance.

“Hey Cas” Dean said cautiously.  
“Hello Dean” he countered, reluctant to give any of his emotions away.  
“I brought you your coffee… well a fresh one,” Dean said as he presented it to Cas, the steam just barely noticeable in the dark morning light.  
“Why?” Cas asked curtly, unable to keep his irritation concealed after all.  
“What?”  
“Why did you bring me coffee Dean?”  
“Because you made it. I know you wanted some. Because it’s cold outside. Because… because I wanted to.”  
“Which is it Dean?”  
“Any and all of them. I’m not sure what happened earlier this morning. I’m not sure what… what has been going on with you lately Cas. But I just wanted to let you know… I’m not really good with words, or having a moment… but … I’m… I’m here for you.”  
Cas smiled. “Thank you Dean.” He knew how difficult it was for Dean to express himself in that way and it warmed his heart to see Dean making an effort for him.  
“You’re welcome Cas. I mean it. This is your home now. This is where you belong. With me. With us.”  
“Thank you Dean,” Cas gulped, cold and overwhelmed with emotion; coffee long forgotten. “I’m sorry. I know my first month here hasn’t been easy for you or Sam.”  
“It’s ok Cas. I know it’s been a big adjustment for you… moving out of Heaven for good and all.”  
“It’s not that Dean.”  
“Then what is it Cas?” Dean asked as tendrils of snow began to fall.  
“I have something I’ve been meaning to tell you Dean…. I…. Dean, I…”  
“You can tell me Cas. I promise, we can deal with it together. Whatever it is buddy,” Dean said attempting to be comforting.  
But at the use of buddy Cas could not help but recoil. He fought internally for any excuse he could find but came up with nothing. So in a last ditch effort he blamed the snow which was now coming in big gusts. “Dean, I think you were right before; it’s too cold to be outside. I need to go in.”  
“Was that really what you wanted to say Cas?” Dean asked, sensing it wasn’t the whole story.  
Without answering Cas continued on inside. 

**Thursday December 29th 11:05am**  
At his wit’s end, Castiel paced into his room, locked the door and began to pack. An hour later there was only one thing left to do. Crying, Castiel sat down at his desk and began to write.  


_Dear Dean,_  
_I have fought alongside you in battle. We have sacrificed much for each other, you and I. Neither Heaven, Purgatory nor Hell could keep us apart. And yet I fear it will be my own actions that will inevitably tear us apart. My own feelings for you. I love you Dean. I have loved you even before I truly understood what love, human love, meant. This love frightens me Dean._  
_I am so blessed to know you and to call you my friend. And the thought of my love for you changing our relationship, ruining our relationship and the way you see me is too much for me to bear. And yet I cannot go another day without telling you. Because whoever is so lucky to love you should shout it from the rooftops. You are worth loving Dean._  
_My love for you is threatening to burst out of me; it cannot be contained. My grace burns brighter for you, because of you. Because you are the best man I have ever known and I ache to know more you still._ _And so I am writing you this letter. Because I cannot go another minute without telling you of my love. But I cannot face the assured reality, the inevitable rejection that will await me after I do. I cannot look at the face of the man I love and hear him call me “buddy” one more time. I cannot hear you call me buddy one more time because it breaks my heart every time I hear it._  
_You are the love of my life Dean. The love of my existence. And you deserve to know that._  
_Castiel_

 **Thursday December 29th 2:01pm**  
After two hours of writing, it was finished- the letter that would change everything. It took another two hours of staring at it before Castiel got the strength to get up and deliver it to Dean. 

**Thursday December 29th 4:05pm**  
With shaking hands, Castiel knocked on Dean’s door. He knew Dean was still there. He hadn’t heard the Impala rumble away. But whether or not Dean would answer….  
Cas’ thoughts were interrupted when Dean slowly turned the knob.  
“Cas, I…”  
“Please Dean. Let me… Just let me.”  
“Of course Cas,” Dean gulped out. “Whatever you need.”  
“I need you to read this Dean,” Cas stated, unwavering. “Not in front of me. But I need you to read it and know that I mean every word.”  
“Of course, Cas. Anything…”  
“And I will be leaving tonight,” Cas stated, cutting Dean off.  
“What? Cas… why?”  
“Read the letter Dean. You’ll understand why I cannot stay.”  
Castiel thrust the letter into Dean’s hands and turned to his room. 

**Thursday December 29th 4:11pm**  
Cas barely has time to open his suitcase, to make sure he has everything one last time when the door bursts open.  
“Why is the rejection inevitable?” Dean barks out.  
“Dean..”  
“WHY IS THE REJECTION INEVITABLE?”  
“Dean, you have never once given any inclination that you might…”  
Castiel never finishes that sentence because he is interrupted.  
He is interrupted by Dean’s mouth on his mouth.  
The kiss is awkward.  
The kiss is angry with too much tongue and too much teeth.  
The kiss is perfect.  
The kiss is perfect because it is happening. It is real.  
But eventually the kiss ends as they pull away for air.  
“Dean. Is this… are you sure?” Cas asks, suddenly filled with doubt now that the passion of their first kiss has subsided.  
“Cas. I am more sure than I have ever been in my entire life. The rejection was not inevitable. I love you too. I love you in a way I have never loved anyone in my entire life. I love YOU Castiel. You. I’m sorry I never said it before. I love you.”

 **Thursday December 29th 4:29pm**  
Dean grabs Castiel’s suitcase and marched off to his room with Cas in tow.  
He immediately ripped open the suitcase and began pulling things out. “Is this ok Cas?”  
“Dean… I don’t understand.”  
“I mean, it’s not too fast? Is this ok?” Dean asked again, this time purposefully taking one of Cas’ folded shirts and placing it in the drawer right next to Dean’s shirts.  
Cas answers by pulling out another shirt and placing it alongside the others.  
Dean pulls him close and holds him tight. 

**Thursday December 29th 6:30pm**  
Cas snuggles tighter underneath the warm blanket, curling himself around Dean, secure in the knowledge that Dean loves him back.  
Dean brings their intertwined fingers up to his mouth, unable to go long without touching Cas or kissing Cas now that he can.  
Upon feeling Dean’s lips on his fingertips Cas smiles and briefly kisses the edge of Dean’s smiling lips before turning his head up once more at windows of the bunker’s observatory, to watch the snow fall in flurries outside. 

**Thursday December 29th 6:45pm**  
The timer chimes and the Christmas tree lights up in a wondrous glow, illuminating Dean and Cas as they curl into each other.  
The snow continues to fall.


End file.
